Twenty Twenty One it is I guess!

"I am going to blog every day"

This is exactly what I told myself and published it on a blog on a cold night of September in 2019 (on 2019?) and if only 'every day' meant 'once in a one year' (you can laugh, comedy tha). How impulsive and stupid of me to do something like, "I am going to blog every day". Duude, I don't even brush my teeth every day (don't judge me, it ruins the breakfast ka taste). Leaving all that aside, one thing that I understood is, being consistent is tough, like really really tough, it takes more than just planning and just dreaming about it, but again making that into reality is still hard dude, like reaaally hard. 

We have the best example right here, I have been planning to write this blog for the past 2 years and it is now when I am doing this, amidst all the chaos I am going through. But it feels good you know, like when I write something, I imagine myself in front of people and me trying to tell them what I am writing and imagining how they would react, and those are the reactions is what I put in  ' ( ) '. And finally, when I am here doing what makes me smile and happy, it gives me a feeling of "satisfaction", and that feeling is a banger of a feeling, and I am telling you right here, right now. But I don't know for how long this part of me would keep doing this.

I mean, one thing that I understood is, everything does take effort, you might not see it when the other person has achieved it, but things take effort. And what matters is what we feel once we do that or complete that. Once I publish this work to this platform, I would be having a dumb smile on a face, a feeling of feeling good, and that is what matters. One thing I remember is that I hadn't made any videos for Youtube or Instagram (don't feel reviled, you are not safe, those things are coming back.), and recently I just took a video of myself talking about 'Signal' and 'WhatsApp' and posted it as a WhatsApp status, it felt fucking great, like ummm, I felt as if I was, alive, like alive-alive, I was soo happy, I was being all dumby-dumby ( RIP English ), goofy-goofy, and that is not something that I feel every day and that's when I understood ki, making videos, and talking in front of a camera makes me more alive than rest of the things I do. 

BUT, do you know what hits me though? Me not putting any work for that part of me, who gets happy! Because in back of my head there's always a thought ki, "what will people think of me?" or "would I be able to deliver what they expect of me?" or "some blah blah blah", and Hey, I know it sucks, it sucks bad, but I am a human too, feelings toh normal hai. And I realized, after a lot of introspection and talking to people that, "THAT" feeling of what people would think of me and blah blah is not going to put me anywhere, I would be just stuck in their validation phase and it would just fuck me up more.

Soooooooooo..... this is my first step to overcome that and do stuff that makes me happy, that makes me feel alive because, at the end of the day, I don't wanna have, ummmmmm regret? yeah that, regret. 

I don't know for what duration, or in what frequency I would be doing this, but one thing that I know is, writing and making videos makes me happy and I always come back to things that makes me happy, hopefully, most probably will, let's seeeee. 

If you have reached here, I want you to know that I am feeling extremely happy and honored that you have spent your time reading this stupid-stupid blog of mine. But I want you to know that I am super-super happy! <3

So, I will see you  ( doesn't make sense but...) in another blog, or a video, or in person, till then or otherwise also, have a great day! ^.^

A'ight, I am leaving!